Sometimes you don’t get the answer you hoped for. Well, not exactly. It’s not warm and fuzzy, and you really wanted warm and fuzzy. But there is a part of you that wanted the truth. And that part of you is grateful. That part of you stretched and grew with the response, and your soul says “it is good.”
A long time ago now I felt the Lord asking me to give up a dream, and I did. I had learned that He is better than everything I could want on earth -I’d lost plenty, and ached with those losses. But the sweetness of His presence brings such a hope and goodness that grief loses its power. I could and can say that He is more than enough. All I need in life.
Sometimes, though, those old aches return with a sudden fierceness. And I found myself asking the Lord why He doesn’t at least take the desire away, if He does not intend to fulfill it? Why the suffering? He can have it, He can have the dream. I know He is enough. But why the ache?
And then the answer – the surprising unanticipated answer! I had hoped He would say that now was the time for that dream to be fulfilled, but instead I suddenly saw myself for the broken sinner that He saved by His mercy. I saw a person who He owed NOTHING to, a person who likewise owes Him everything. His love should never be mistaken for something due to us!
Without Him I would have no breath, no life. No way to desire anything. And I was broken and lost and spitting in His face many years ago when He came to me and offered mercy. He offered me His love!
Who am I to think he owes me more? That He owes me anything at all?
“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21